I’m so used to pulling all nighters,
It became so normal to me.
I think that’s a bad sign hahaha.
Oh well at least I can tidy up before the boyfrannnn comes. :>

I’m excited haha. Even though I see him every week, it’s always so exciting every time it’s the day when he arrives.

It’s almost the same excitement as the night before a concert.

And that’s a lot pretty damn excitement there haha!

Josh came over randomly, of course that’s no surprise. I thought he wasn’t coming over and not gunna lie, I was pretty upset at him, but I let my feelings come forward as he apologized. But I also apologized, because I know I’ve been pretty grumpy this week.

And then we talked about Yo, and he pointed out, I haven’t said anything bad about Yo. And Josh is exactly right. I haven’t and I don’t have anything to complain about.

I know before (And Josh knows this best lol) I complain A LOT before with my past relationships. I think for me, a month is enough for me to pretty much write a whole essay about every little flaw, every little things, and even the big stuff.

But nay, I have nothing bad to say nor anything to complain, because honestly, my boyfriend has been treating me really well.

No, it’s not what people think when I say treat me well, not those artificial stuff with flowers and what not;

It’s the fact he treats me as a person, he has the respect for me as his girlfriend and as a friend, and he checks up on me. And talking to me through his busy schedule is enough to keep me happy.

I like genuine feelings and a genuine attitude. Maybe it’s because I changed, or maybe it’s because I decided to grow up and not dwell and waste my time over petty things, or even making mountains out of patches of grass, but hey, I’m happy and I have no complaints. What more is there to ask for?

Honestly, all I want is genuine love and trust, and if you give me those two, I will be happy forever, and you will get it right back. I don’t need anything crazy. I’m honesty really simple minded. The things that make me happy is when I feel at comfort with the other person. Knowing that they love me, and they’re there for me is really enough.

This relationship is really different from all my other relationships. Why? There is no bullshit involved.
Before, bullshit was my middle name, and honestly I don’t blame others who still take what I am right now as bullshit. I don’t mind anymore though, because if they’re that ignorant to the point they judge me already and shut me out, hey, no harm done to me. It just means they weren’t my friends from the start. A friend sees through you and still enjoys the view. Haters be hating, and honestly, I’d rather lose all my friends that are ignorant, because those people…aren’t really my friends.

Here I am dragging my story. My point is, I like who I am right now. I love myself. I love how I’m not perfect. I love how I can fuck shit up sometimes. Why? Because it humbles me. It reminds me that I have so much more to learn, and every fuck up comes with a lesson. Every single one of them. And you know what? I still love myself. A lot. I love who I am, because its like looking at a painting; to some people it’s beautiful, to some, it’s shit.
But it’s a painting someone worked hard on with love and dedication.

I’ve come this far with so much crap happening, me being stupid, not knowing any better, making a fool of myself, degrading myself, lying to people, lying to myself.

But the best part of all that is that I went through all of it, and came up as a better person instead of falling down that hole I dug deep down.

And I’m proud of myself. And I’m proud that I’m not perfect. That’s the beauty of life; nothing is perfect. We never stop growing, and we become wiser and we try to better ourselves to become a good person. The mistakes shouldn’t become grief not should it turn in to self pity, but it should become a lesson; in accepting, forgiving, humbling, and growing.

And that’s why I am really happy and comfortable with my relationship. I can tell my boyfriend anything. He’s pretty much a best friend as well as a boyfriend. I love having this connection, and I don’t even feel self conscious around him anymore.

If people who knew me in the past read this, they’d either be really surprised to be hearing this kind of stuff, especially from me, or they would think I’m full of bullshit.

But hey, as long as I know it’s genuine and from my heart, I don’t need anyone’s confirmation. Other peoples opinions don’t matter on what I think from my heart, and no one will ever make me care.

Right now, all that matters is that I’m very happy being in this relationship, and it’s the first time I’ve felt this content in a relationship. No worries in my heart what so ever. No paranoia (thank god finally haha), no sadness, no complaining (Right?!?! Hahaha), and no self pity.

And I look back and I realize….how much I’ve grown and how much I changed.

I love life, I love myself, I love the universe, and most importantly, I love my boyfriend very much.

And this love continues to grow each day, both the heart and mind grows with the love, and I’m really thankful.

Let’s keep growing together.
Let’s walk the road together, our hands held together.

Because as long as you love me with the same kindness and the genuineness you have right now,

In return I will love you whole heartedly forever with only you inside my heart, and no one else. (But let’s squeeze my friends in the platonic love corner :])

Because right now, the only guy I can ever love is you. (Not to sound cheesy or anything) but believe it or not, you give me more mental and emotional support that you think. Even when I don’t need it and also when I need it, and I love that about you. Because you keep it so consistent and not forget about me haha.

I’m not going to lie, most guys after a month kind of back off because they’re just like ‘oh yeah she’s mine now so w.e. she’s not going to leave me’

But you treat me like the first day you fell in love with me, and honestly, I don’t think anyone has done that to me. Because after at least 2 months, their behaviors and how the act towards me and treat me change, but you haven’t changed one bit.

You’re precious, and I’m lucky.

But hey, you can’t be taking all the credit. :P

I guess in a way you’re lucky, because you met me when I grew up, and I will always do my best to keep you happy and positive.

Sorry about the slump mood last night. I feel better hahaha. I just had to pick myself up again.

Best part?

I’m totally sober.
And I have been the whole day yesterday to now. And you know what? I’m not gunna smoke today.

Being high is good, but I can’t depend on it. I need to learn to think like when I’m high, when I’m sober lol. That’s what the weed was for from the start for me.

And I feel great.
There was a few rough patches here and there, but I’ve pulled through.

I don’t know, I’m just really happy.
I’m happy for everyone that’s in my life. It’s honestly just my parents, Yo, and Josh, and Joseph and I are catching up , but honestly, those people are way more than enough.

Because those people are the only ones that take the time to get to know me and they’re the ones that care for my better good, and they love me.

And I am so thankful for that.

I love all of you guys so much. Thank you for being in my life and helping me out through thick and thin.

Just wait. I’ll become as bright as the sun, and make you guys proud.
I’m going to become and good person and continue growing.

We will always be the students of the universe.

Ugh, sorry for such a long post. I had to let this out.

And another new wonderful day starts!!!!!!!!